It's late... I should be sleeping... but I don't think I can turn off the lights and lay down with a clear conscience tonight before I write this down.

I just watched a trailer for the movie "Not Today." It's a Christian movie about a young man's journey to India and the subsequent events that get him involved in a family's involvement in child trafficking. Not the best plot summary ever, but that's not why I'm writing this. Obviously, the trailer made me want to watch the movie (which ended up being frustrating because according to moviefone, the closest theatre that will be showing this movie is in Texas.). But it also made me think about child trafficking and the suffering that is involved. Before you see "child trafficking" and get either more or less interested in the rest of this post, let me say now that it's NOT directly about child trafficking.

As I thought about all that child trafficking entails, I could find nothing in me to do but to pray. I looked at some of the organizations I've come across before that try to help this cause... I daydreamed a bit about what I could possibly do in the future about it... in the end, the only thing I could really do was pray. But even then, I couldn't help but ask, "God, what can I do? What can my prayers do? There are whole ministries out there, people who have given their lives to this cause, praying day and night? What can my one little prayer do?" It reminded me a bit of the Tenth Avenue North song, "Hold My Heart:"

One tear in a tropic rain,
one voice in a sea of pain,
could the Maker of the stars
hear the sound of my breaking heart
One life, that's all I am.
Right now, I can barely stand
if You're everything You say You are,
won't You come close and hold my heart?

Maybe the context of the song is a little different, maybe not... I don't know. Still I wondered: whether it's by prayer or by ministry, how much can I do to make a dent in human suffering? There's so much pain EVERYWHERE. I don't have to go to India to see human suffering. I can take the subway for thirty minutes and see it. God, what can one person do?!

Yet I remember Jesus's words in John 14:12-14: "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in Me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in My name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in My name, and I will do it."

I can only imagine what the world would be like if Jesus came down today (and not as in Second Coming, but as in to come and minister as He did before). He could heal the sick. He could comfort the heartbroken. He could set things right in a way that would fit the Son of God. Yet He says that anyone who has faith in Him can do GREATER works than all those things! Oh God, is there anything in Your Word that is more challenging? If we have faith in Jesus Christ, we can do what He did AND MORE! God, where is that faith in my life? Why... why haven't we seen miracles? Why hasn't the faith arisen in us that can move mountains? Where is Your Spirit that fills us with boldness to witness to all the world? Where is Your presence that makes proud and boastful men fall on their faces and recognize their need of You? Where is Your power that heals the sick, the heartbroken, the demon-possessed, the mentally ill? Where are Your prayer warriors that can pray people out of prison, the dead back to life, the powerless to be filled?!

Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me.... I don't have the boldness to witness. I don't have faith even close to the size of a mustard seed. I don't have the discipline and focus to wake up early and pray. I don't have self control to withstand temptation when it comes. I don't have Your love for those around me. I don't have a love for Your Word.... all I have is this desire to be put on the front lines of the army of Your kingdom. God forbid that I live a mediocre life, not walking in that crazy promise You gave us in John 14:12-14. This desire You've given me... please don't let it die. I can only imagine that there have been many people to whom you gave the same... and yet temptations and worries and comfort choked the plant as it grew. God, I am not above those people.... please don't let this die. And don't just let it remain a desire, but move it into action. Move it into a life that is completely set ablaze for You. Let this desire and passion spread to those around me, and when it does, let me not judge and compare and discourage, but lift those people up with all that I have in me.

Reader, I don't know who you are. But I ask that you pray for me. Even if you just remember me randomly one day years down the road, please pray for me. And if you've been at all moved by God in a similar desire, please let me know, and we will fight this fight together.